Cardi and Tilly have been friends since they were both in kindergarten. They are both applying to the same college, hoping to be roommates. However, Cardi gets accepted, but Tilly does not. Cardi is crushed because she wanted to share her college experience with her best friend. Tilly tells Cardi to go without her, and she will try again next year after attending the local junior college for a semester. Cardi is no longer as excited to go to college because she is worried about Tilly. Cardi discusses different options with her parents and other friends and posts about it on social media. This idea of sharing our experiences, whether positive or negative, is a form of interpersonal communication. When we share information with others and they share information with us, it is defined as interpersonal communication.

Interpersonal communication can be informal (such as in the checkout line) or formal (such as in a lecture classroom). Often, interpersonal communication occurs in face-to-face contexts. It is usually unplanned, spontaneous, and ungrammatical. Consider the conversations you have with your friends and family. These are mainly interpersonal in nature. It is essential to learn about interpersonal communication because this is the type of communication that you will be doing for most of your life. At most colleges, public speaking is a required course. Yet, most people will not engage in making a public speech for most their lives, but they will communicate with one other person daily, which is interpersonal communication. Interpersonal communication can help us achieve our personal and professional goals. In this chapter, you will learn the concepts associated with interpersonal communication and how certain variables can help you achieve your goals.

In this chapter, you will learn about ways to make communication more effective. You will learn about communication models that might influence how a message is sent and/or received. You will also learn about characteristics that influence the message and can cause others not to accept or understand the message that you were trying to send.

Purposes of Interpersonal Communication

Interpersonal communication serves fundamental purposes that are essential to human survival and flourishing. At its core, communication enables us to meet our basic physical, emotional, and social needs, from securing resources for survival to building the relationships that give life meaning and purpose. Through our interactions with others, we not only satisfy these practical needs but also develop our sense of self and learn about the world. Communication allows us to form, build, and maintain the relationships that provide support, companionship, and personal growth throughout our lives. Whether we are seeking to reduce uncertainty about new people we meet, sharing our dreams and aspirations, or simply connecting with others for emotional well-being, interpersonal communication is the vehicle through which we navigate our social world and fulfill our deepest human needs.

Meeting Personal Needs

Communication fulfills our physical, personal, and social needs. Research has shown a powerful link between happiness and communication.^[1] In this study, which included over 200 college students, the researchers found that those who reported the highest levels of happiness also had very active social lives. They found no differences between the happiest people and their peers in terms of how much they exercised, took part in religious activities, or engaged in other activities. The study’s results noted that having a social life can help people connect with others. We can connect with others through effective communication. Overall, effective communication is essential to our emotional well-being and our perceptions of life.

Everyone has dreams they want to achieve. What would happen if you told no one about your dreams? Would it really be possible to achieve your dreams without communication? To make your dreams a reality, we will interact with several people along the way who can help you fulfill your dreams and personal needs. The most famous people in history, who were actors, musicians, politicians, and business leaders, all started with a vision and could articulate those ideas to someone else who could help them launch their careers.

There are practical needs for communication. In every profession, excellent communication skills are a necessity. Doctors, nurses, and other health professionals need to listen to their patients to understand their concerns and medical issues. In turn, these health professionals must be able to communicate the appropriate type of treatment and procedures so that their patients feel confident in the best possible outcome, and they will comply with these medical orders.

Research has shown that couples who engage in effective communication report more happiness than couples who do not.^[2] Communication is not an easy skill for everyone. As you read further, you will see that numerous considerations and variables can affect how a message is relayed and received.

As the arrow in Figure 2.1 shows, Maslow believed human needs emerge in order, starting from the bottom of the pyramid. At a basic level, humans must have their physiological needs met, including breathing, food, water, sex, homeostasis, sleep, and excretion. Once the physiological needs have been met, humans can attempt to meet safety needs, which include the safety of the body, family, resources, morality, health, and employment. A higher-order need that must be met is love and belonging, which encompasses friendship, sexual intimacy, and family. Another higher-order need that must be met before self-actualization is esteem, which encompasses self-esteem, confidence, achievement, respect from others, and the respect others have for us. Maslow argued that all the lower needs were necessary to help us achieve psychological health and eventually self-actualization.^[3] Self-actualization leads to creativity, morality, spontaneity, problem-solving, lack of prejudice, and acceptance of facts.

Did you or someone you know benefit from free or reduced breakfast and lunch programs at schools? Have you ever donated to “backpack” programs collecting nonperishable snacks for children to take home to have food for the evening or the weekend? One of the author’s universities is hosting a “Pudding Cup Drive” to support local children with the goal of collecting 450 pudding cups by the end of the semester. The donations are to provide weekend meals for local students in need through a national program called Blessings in a Backpack. Consider the reasons we feed children. Children who are hungry cannot learn and no child should face food insecurity in their home.

Communicating and Meeting Personal Needs

As you will learn from reading this chapter, it is essential to understand people and recognize that they often communicate to satisfy their needs, but each person’s need level is unique. To survive, physiological and safety needs must be met. Through communication, humans can work together to grow food, produce food, build shelter, create safe environments, and engage in protective behaviors. Once physiological and safety needs have been met, communication can then shift to the needs of love and belonging. Instead of focusing on living to see the next day, humans can focus on building relationships by discussing, perhaps, the value of a friendship or the desire for sexual intimacy. After creating a sense of love and belonging, humans can move forward to working on “esteem.” Communication may involve sharing praise, working toward goals, and discussing strengths, which may lead to positive self-esteem. When esteem has been addressed and met, humans can achieve self-actualization. Communication will be about making life better, sharing innovative ideas, contributions to society, compassion and understanding, and providing insight to others. Imagine trying to communicate creatively about a novel or express compassion for others while starving and feeling unprotected. The problem of starvation must be resolved before communication can shift to areas addressed within self-actualization.

Critics of Maslow’s theory argue that the hierarchy may not be absolute, as it is possible to achieve self-actualization without meeting the lower needs.^[4] For example, a parent/guardian might put the needs of the child first if food is scarce. Here, the need for food has not been fully met, and yet the parent/guardian can engage in self-actualized behavior. Other critics point out that Maslow’s hierarchy is rather Western-centric and focused on more individualistic cultures (the focus is on the individual needs and desires) and not applicable to cultures that are collectivistic (the focus is on the family, group, or culture’s needs and desires).^[5]

It is essential to understand others’ needs because they may differ from our own. This can influence how a message is received. For instance, Shaun and Dee have been dating for some time. Dee wants to talk about wedding plans and the possibility of having children. However, Shaun is struggling to make ends meet. He is focused on his paycheck and where he will get money to cover his rent and what his next meal will be because of his tight income. It is very hard for Shaun to talk about their future together and future plans when he is so focused on his basic physiological needs for food and water. Dee is on a different level, in terms of love and belonging, because she doesn’t have to worry about finances. Communicating can be difficult when two people have very different needs that are not being met. This can frustrate both Dee and Shaun. Dee feels like Shaun doesn’t love her because he refuses to talk about their future together. Shaun is upset with Dee because she doesn’t seem to understand how difficult it is for him to manage such a tight budget. If we are not able to understand the other person’s needs, then we won’t be able to have meaningful conversations.

Learning About Self and Others

Communication is powerful, and sometimes words can affect us in ways we might not have imagined. Think back to a time when someone said something hurtful or insightful to you. How did it make you feel? Did you feel empowered to prove that person wrong or right? Even in a classroom, peers can say things that might make you reconsider how you feel about yourself.

Classmates offer a great deal of feedback to one another. They may comment on how well one particular student does, and this contributes to the student’s self-concept. The student might think, “People think I am a good student, so I must be.” When we interact with others, how they perceive and relate to us affects our overall self-concept. According to Reńe M. Dailey, adolescents’ self-concepts are impacted by daily conversations that include both acceptance and challenges.^[6]

In high school, peers can be more influential than family members. Some peers can say very hurtful things and make you think poorly of yourself. And then, some peers believe in you and make you feel supported in your ideas. These interactions shape us into the people we are today.

On a job interview, if someone asks you to tell them about yourself, how would you describe yourself? The words that you use are related to your self-concept. Self-concept refers to the perceptions that you view about yourself. These perceptions are relatively stable. These might include your preferences, talents, emotional states, pet peeves, and beliefs.

Self-esteem is a part of self-concept. Self-esteem includes judgments of self-worth. A person can experience varying levels of self-esteem, ranging from high to low evaluations. Individuals with high self-esteem felt positive about themselves and others. They will mainly focus on their successes and believe that others’ comments are helpful.

People with low self-esteem will view things negatively and may focus more on their failures. They are more likely to take other people’s comments as criticism or hostility. A recent study found that individuals with low self-esteem prefer indirect communication methods, such as email or text, over face-to-face interactions, compared to those with high self-esteem.^[7]

Building and Maintaining Relationships

Research shows that your self-concept doesn’t happen when you are born.^[8] Rather, it happens over time. When you are very young, you are still learning about your body. Some children’s songs talk about head, shoulders, knees, and toes. As you develop into an adult, you learn more about yourself with others. It is through this communication with others that we not only learn about ourselves, but we can also build and maintain relationships. To initiate a relationship with someone else, we might ask them very general questions, such as their favorite color or movie. Once we have established a connection, we might invite them to coffee or lunch. As we spend time with others, we learn more about them through conversation, and in the process, we discover our likes and dislikes about someone. It is through this sharing of information with others that we learn more about them. We can build intimacy and a deeper connection with others when they share more about their experiences and perspectives.

Think about all the relationships that you have developed over time. Now think about how these people either shaped your self-concept or perceptions regarding your self-esteem. For instance, you may have had a coach or teacher who impacted how you learn about a certain topic. You may have had an inspirational teacher who helped you find your career path, or you might have had a coach who constantly embarrassed you in front of your teammates by yelling at you. These two very different experiences can significantly impact how you perceive yourself.

We receive messages from people throughout our lives. On social media, there will be people who like our posts, but there might be some who disagree or do not like what we post. These experiences can help us understand what we value and what things we may choose to ignore.

From an early age, we might compare ourselves to others. This is called social comparison. For instance, in grade school, your teacher might have asked everyone to line up against the wall to see who is the tallest and who is the shortest. Instinctively, we already compare ourselves to others. When there is an exam, students want to know how other people performed on the exam to see if they are different or similar. By comparing ourselves to others, we can discern whether we are better or worse than others, which in turn can influence our self-esteem. One of the female authors use to compare herself in weight and height to her two female cousins when she was a child. She remembers taking great pride in weighing more than her cousins when she was in fifth grade. From the perspective of an innocent child weighing more was better. Life shapes our ideals and values. Now, she would love to weigh less than others her size and age.

We will build and maintain relationships with others who share similar self-concepts to us, or who we perceive as having a similar self-concept about ourselves. Your closest friends are typically people who share some similarities with you. These relationships most likely occurred because you disclosed information about yourself to see if you were similar or compatible with the other person.

Uncertainty Reduction Theory

As humans habitually form relationships, theorists Charles Berger and Richard Calabrese^[9] sought to understand how humans begin relationships. Their research focused on the initiation of relationships, and it was observed that humans, in first meetings, attempt to reduce uncertainty. Thus, the Uncertainty Reduction theory emerged. This theory addressed cognitive uncertainty (uncertainty associated with the beliefs and attitudes of another) and behavioral uncertainty (uncertainty regarding how another person might behave). Three strategies are used to reduce uncertainty, including passive, active, and interactive strategies. Passive strategies avoid disrupting the other individual and can be accomplished through observation. Active strategies involve asking a friend for information or observing social networking sites such as Facebook, X, and Instagram. Finally, interactive strategies involve direct contact with the other individual.

Charles Berger and Richard Calabrese (1975) believed that when we meet new people, we are fraught with uncertainty about the new relationship and will seek to reduce this uncertainty and its resulting anxiety.^[10] They found that the best and most common way of reducing this uncertainty is through self-disclosure. As such, self-disclosure needs to be reciprocal to reduce uncertainty successfully. Upon new introductions, we consider three things: (1) the person’s ability to reward or punish us, (2) the degree to which they meet or violate our social expectations, and (3) whether we expect to re-encounter them. Most of these considerations are made instantly and often through expectancy biases. Research revealed that we make snap decisions about people upon meeting them based on previously held beliefs and experiences, and that these decisions are extremely difficult to overcome or change.^[11] When we meet other people, there is a ton of information for us to go through very quickly, so just as in other situations, we draw on our previous understandings and experiences to make assumptions about this new person. The process of self-disclosure enables us to gather more information, leading to a more accurate understanding of other individuals, which provides us with better insight into their future actions and reduces our uncertainty about them.

These ideas are particularly clear in the digital age, as evident in Chang et al.’s (2015) research on online consumer reviews and their impact on potential purchasers.^[12] They found that similarities in a reviewer’s diction to the shoppers’ language and the confirmation of the shoppers’ prior beliefs created more credibility. We are more comfortable with things and people that are like us, and that we understand and can predict. How does this translate to more personal forms of computer-mediated communication (CMC) such as email?

In another study, researchers sought to determine the factors that influence our understanding of such messages.^[13] They found that the individual personality of the receiver was the biggest factor in the way the messages were interpreted. Again, we see that humans interpret data more effectively when they are familiar with it. We will consistently make assumptions based on what we would do or have experienced previously. The lack of nonverbal cues in CMC exacerbates this. We have very little more than text to use in the formation of our opinions and seek to eliminate the uncertainty.

We need to return to the solution that Berger and Calabrese found for reducing uncertainty, self-disclosure. Many new relationships today, particularly in the dating world, begin online. To be successful in these initial encounters, the key appears to be engaging in as much self-disclosure as possible upfront to help others reduce anxiety based on uncertainty. Further research in this area would support the notion that an increase in self-disclosure leads to an increase in positive reactions from similar users in a social network. The underlying issue with all this is that there is little to no way to verify the information disclosed by users. So, a new uncertainty reduction theory seems necessary. How can we alter our previous notions of human behavior to reflect a culture in which deception is presumably so much easier? Is the answer to live in a world of uncertainty and its resulting anxiety? To what degree must we assume the best of others and engage in potentially risky relationships to maintain a functional society? Who can we trust, and how can we know?

Elements of Interpersonal Communication

You may think that communication is easy. However, in your life, communication may be challenging and difficult to understand. We can similarly study communication in the same way we study other systems. There are elements to the communication process that are important to understand. Each interaction typically includes a sender, receiver, message, channel, feedback, and noise. Let’s inspect them.

Sender

Humans naturally encode messages, and we rarely consider this part of the process. However, have you ever thought about the exact words that you would use to get a later curfew from your parents/guardians and how you might refute any counterpoints? In that case, you intuitively know that choosing the right words—“encoding”—weighed heavily in your ability to influence your parents/guardians successfully. The language you chose mattered.

The sender is the encoder or source of the message. The sender is the person who decides to communicate and the intent of the message. The source may decide to send messages to entertain, persuade, inform, include, or escape. Often, the sources will create a message based on their feelings, thoughts, perceptions, and past experiences. For instance, if you have feelings of affection toward someone but never express those feelings to them, they will never know. The sender can withhold or release information.

Receiver

The transactional model of communication teaches us that we are both the sender and receiver simultaneously. The receiver(s) is the individual who decodes the message and tries to understand the source of the message. Receivers have to filter messages based on their attitudes, beliefs, opinions, values, history, and prejudices. People will encode messages through their five senses. We must pay attention to the source of the message to receive it accurately. If the receiver does not receive the message, then communication has not occurred. The receiver needs to obtain a message.

Daily, you will receive several messages. Some of these messages are intentional. And some of these messages will be unintentional. For instance, a person waving in your direction might be waving to someone behind you, but you accidentally think they are waving at you. Some messages will be easy to understand, while others will be difficult to interpret. Every time a person sends a message, they are also receiving messages simultaneously.

Message

Messages encompass a range of textual, verbal, and nonverbal aspects of communication, through which individuals assign meaning. People send messages intentionally (texting a friend to meet for coffee) or unintentionally (accidentally falling asleep during lectures). Messages can be verbal (saying hello to your parents/guardians), nonverbal (hugging your parents/guardians), or text (words on a computer screen). Essentially, communication is the process by which messages create meaning. Yet, meanings differ among people. For instance, a friend of yours promises to repay you for the money they borrowed, and they say “sorry” for not having any money to give you. You might think they were insincere, but another person might think that it was a genuine apology. People can vary in their interpretation of messages.

Channel

With advances in technology, cell phones act as many channels of communication at once. Consider that smartphones enable us to make calls and send texts. Also, we can receive communication through Facebook, X, Email, Instagram, Snapchat, Reddit, and Vox. All these channels are in addition to our traditional channels, which were face-to-face communication, letter writing, telegrams, and the telephone. The addition of these new communication channels has changed our lives forever. The channel is the medium in which we communicate our message. Think about breaking up a romantic relationship. Would you rather do it face-to-face or via a text message? Why did you answer the way you did? The channel can affect the message.

Now, think about how you hear important news. Did you learn about it from the Internet, social media, television, a newspaper, or others? The channel is the medium through which you discovered the news.

It may seem like a trivial thing to discuss channels, but a channel can significantly impact how people receive the message. For instance, a true story tells about a professional athlete who proposed marriage to his girlfriend by sending her the ring through the postal mail service. He sent her a ring and a recorded message asking her to marry him. She declined his proposal and refused to return the ring.^[15] Here, the channel might have been better if he had asked her face-to-face.

Be mindful of how the channel can affect the way a receiver reacts and responds to your message. For instance, a handwritten love letter might be more romantic than a typed email. If there were some tragic news about your family, you would probably want someone to call you immediately rather than send you a letter.

Overall, people naturally understand that the message influences the channel they might use. In a research study focused on channels, college students were asked to identify the most effective channels for delivering messages.^[16] College students said that they would communicate face-to-face if the message was positive, but use mediated channels if the message was negative.

Feedback

Feedback] is the response to the message. If there is no feedback, communication would not be effective. Feedback is important because the sender needs to know if the receiver got the message. Simultaneously, the receiver usually will give the sender some message that they comprehend what has been said. If there is no feedback or if it seems that the receiver did not understand the message, then it is negative feedback. However, if the receiver understood the message, then it is positive feedback. Positive feedback does not mean that the receiver entirely agrees with the sender of the message, but the message was comprehended. Sometimes, feedback is neither positive nor negative; it can be ambiguous. Examples of ambiguous feedback might include saying “hmmm” or “interesting.” Based on these responses, it is unclear whether the receiver of the message understood a part of or the entire message. It is essential to note that feedback doesn’t have to come from others. Sometimes, we can be critical of our own words when we write them in a text or say them out loud. We may refine our words and adjust our communication style based on our internal feedback.

Environment

The context or situation where communication occurs and affects the experience is referred to as the environment. We know that the way you communicate in a professional context may differ from how you communicate in a personal context. You probably won’t talk to your boss the same way you would talk to your best friend. (An exception might be if your best friend were also your boss). The environment can significantly impact how you communicate. For instance, in a library, you might talk more quietly than normal so that you don’t disturb other library patrons. However, in a nightclub or bar, you might speak louder than normal because of the other people talking, music, or noise. Hence, the environment makes a difference in how you communicate with others.

It is also important to note that environments can be related to fields of experience, a person’s past experiences, or background. For instance, a town hall meeting that plans to cut primary access to lower socioeconomic residents might be perceived differently by individuals who use these services and those who do not. Environments might overlap, but sometimes they do not. Some people in college have had many family members who attended the same school, while others do not have any family members who have ever attended college.

Noise

Anything that interferes with the message is called noise. Noise keeps the message from being completely understood by the receiver. If noise is absent, then the message will be accurate. However, usually, noise affects the message. Noise can be physical (e.g., television, cell phone, fan) or psychological (e.g., thinking about your parents/guardians, or missing someone you love). Noise is anything that hinders or distorts the message.

There are four types of noise. The first type is physical noise. This is noise that comes from a physical object. For instance, people talking, birds chirping, a jackhammer pounding concrete, or a car revving by are all different physical noises.

The second type of noise is psychological noise. This is a noise that no one else can hear unless they are a mind reader. It is the noise that occurs in a person’s mind, such as frustration, anger, happiness, or depression. When you talk to a person, they might act and behave as if nothing is wrong, but deep inside their mind, they may be dealing with many other issues or problems. Hence, psychological noise is hard to perceive or understand because it occurs in the other person’s mind.

The third type of noise is semantic noise, which deals with language. This could refer to jargon, accents, or the use of language. Sometimes our messages are not understood by others because of the words we choose. For instance, if a person used the word “lit,” it would probably depend on the other words accompanying the word “lit” and or the context. To say that “this party is lit” would mean something different compared to “he lit a cigarette.” If you were coming from another country, that word might mean something different. Hence, sometimes language-related problems, where the receiver can’t understand the message, are referred to as semantic noise.

The fourth and last type of noise is called physiological noise. This type of noise is because the receiver’s body interferes with or hinders the acceptance of a message. For instance, if the person is blind, they cannot see any written messages you might send. If the person is deaf, then they cannot hear any spoken messages. If the person is starving, then they might pay more attention to their hunger than any other message.

Perception Process

As you can see from the picture, how you view something is also how you will describe and define it. Your perception of something will determine how you feel about it and how you will communicate about it. In the picture above, do you see it as a six or a nine? Why did you answer the way you did?

Your perceptions shape who you are, and your experiences and personal preferences influence them. If you have a horrible experience with a restaurant, you probably won’t go to that restaurant in the future. You might even tell others not to go to that restaurant based on your personal experience. Thus, it is crucial to understand how perceptions can influence others.

Sometimes the silliest arguments occur with others because we don’t understand their perceptions of things. As the illustration shows, it is essential to ensure that you perceive things in the same way as the other person. Put yourself in their shoes and see it from their perspective before jumping to conclusions or getting upset. That person might have a legitimate reason they are not willing to concede to you.

Perception

Many of our problems in the world occur due to perception, or acquiring, interpreting, and organizing information that comes in through our five senses. When we don’t have all the facts, it’s hard to make a concrete decision. We have to rely on our perceptions to understand the situation. In this section, you will learn tools that can help you understand perceptions and improve your communication skills. As you will see in many of the illustrations on perception, people can see different things. In some pictures, some individuals might only see one image, while others may see both, and a small number might perceive something completely different from the rest of the class.

Many famous artists over the years have played with people’s perceptions. Figure 2.3 is an example of three artists’ use of twisted perceptions. The first image, created by Danish psychologist Edgar Rubin, is commonly known as the Rubin Vase. Essentially, it appears to be either a vase (the white part) or two people looking at each other (the black part). This simple image represents both images and neither image at the same time. The second work of art is Charles Allan Gilbert’s (1892) painting “All is Vanity.” In this painting, a woman is shown staring at herself in the mirror, while simultaneously, the image also depicts a giant skull. Lastly, we have William Ely Hill’s (1915) “My Wife and My Mother-in-Law,” which may have been loosely based on an 1888 German postcard. In Hill’s painting, two different images are presented: one of a young woman and one of an older woman. The painting was initially published in an American humor magazine called Puck. The caption “They are both in this picture — Find them” accompanied the image. These visual representations serve as helpful reminders that we do not always perceive things the same way as those around us. There are often multiple ways to view and understand the same set of events.

When it comes to interpersonal communication, each time you talk to other people, you present a side of yourself. Sometimes this presentation is a true representation of yourself, and at other times, it may be a false version of yourself. People present themselves as they want others to see them. Some people present themselves positively on social media, and they have wonderful relationships. Then, their followers or fans get shocked to learn that those images are not true to what is presented. If we only see one side of things, we might be surprised to learn that the situation is different. In this section, we will learn that the perception process has three stages: attending, organizing, and interpreting.

Attending

The first step of the perception process is to select the information you want to pay attention to or focus on, which is called attending. You will pay attention to things based on how they look, feel, smell, touch, and taste. At every moment, you are obtaining a large amount of information. So, how do you decide what to pay attention to and what to ignore? People pay attention to things that matter to them. Usually, we pay attention to things that are louder, larger, different, and more complex than what we ordinarily view.

When we focus on a particular thing and ignore other elements, it is known as selective perception. For instance, when you are in love, you might pay attention only to that special someone and not notice anything else. The same thing happens when we end a relationship; when we are devastated, we might notice how everyone else seems to be in a great relationship, but we are not.

There are several reasons you pay attention to certain things more than others.

The first reason we pay attention to something is that it is extreme or intense. It stands out from the crowd and captures our attention, like an extremely good-looking person at a party or a big neon sign in a dark, isolated town. We can’t help but notice these things because they are exceptional or extraordinary.

Second, we pay attention to things that are different or contradictory. Commonly, when people enter an elevator, they face the doors. Imagine if someone entered the elevator and stood with their back to the doors, staring at you. You might pay more attention to this person than to others because the behavior is unusual. It is something that you don’t expect, which makes it stand out to you even more. On another note, ‘different’ could also refer to something you are not accustomed to or something that no longer exists for you. For instance, if someone very close to you has passed away, you might pay more attention to the loss of that person than to anything else. Some people grieve for an extended period because they were so accustomed to having that person around, and things can feel different now that they are no longer there to rely on or ask for input.

The third factor that influences our attention is repetition. Think of a catchy song or a commercial that continually repeats itself. We might be more alert to it since it repeats, compared to something that was only said once. If we hear something over and over, then we are likely to remember it but also pay attention to it. For Another example might be if your mom always says she loves you when she sees you, then you are more likely to remember it and pay attention to it because she always says it to you. It would be odd if she didn’t say it to you, because you are used to that repetitious saying.

The fourth factor that influences our attention is our motives. If we have a motive to find a romantic partner, we might be more perceptive of attractive people than usual because we are looking for romantic interests. Another motive might be to lose weight; in this case, you might pay more attention to exercise advertisements and food selection choices compared to someone who does not have this motive. Our motives influence what we pay attention to and what we ignore.

The last factor that influences our selection process is our emotional state. If we are in an angry mood, we may be more sensitive to things that irritate us. Conversely, when we are in a happy mood, we are more likely to overlook negativity because we are already in a positive state. Selecting does not involve just paying attention to certain cues; it also means that you might overlook other things. For instance, people in love will think their partner is amazing and overlook many of their flaws. This is normal behavior. We are so focused on how wonderful they are that we often neglect the negative aspects of their behavior.

Organizing

Look again at the three images in Figure 2.3. What were the first things that you saw when you looked at each picture? Could you see the two different images? Which image was more prominent? When we examine a picture or image, we engage in organizing it in our head to make sense of it and define it. This is an example of organization. After we select the information that we are paying attention to, we have to make sense of it in our brains. This stage of the perception process is referred to as organization. We must understand that the information can be organized in different ways. After we attend to something, our brains quickly want to make sense of this data. We quickly want to understand the information that we are exposed to and organize it in a way that makes sense to us.

There are four types of schemes that people use to organize perceptions.^[18] First, physical constructs are used to classify people (e.g., young/old; tall/short; big/small). Second, role constructs are social positions (e.g., mother, friend, lover, doctor, teacher). Third, interaction constructs are the social behaviors displayed in the interaction (e.g., aggressive, friendly, dismissive, indifferent). Fourth, psychological constructs are the dispositions, emotions, and internal states of mind of the communicators (e.g., depressed, confident, happy, insecure). We often use these schemes to better understand and organize the information that we have received. We use these schemes to generalize others and to classify information.

Let’s pretend that you came to class and noticed that one of your classmates was wildly waving their arms in the air at you. This will most likely catch your attention because you find this behavior strange. Then, you will try to organize or make sense of what is happening. Once you have organized it in your brain, you will need to interpret the behavior.

Interpreting

The final stage of the perception process is interpreting. In this stage of perception, you’re attaching meaning to understand the data. So, after you select information and organize things in your brain, interpret the situation. As previously discussed in the above example, your friend waves their hands wildly (attending), and you’re trying to figure out what they’re communicating to you (organizing). You will attach meaning (interpreting). Does your friend need help and are they trying to get your attention, or do they want you to watch out for something behind you?

We interpret the behavior of others daily. Walking to class, you might see an attractive stranger smiling at you. You could interpret this as flirtatious behavior or simply someone being friendly. Scholars have identified some factors that influence our interpretations:^[19]

Personal Experience

First, personal experience affects our interpretation of events. What prior experiences have you had that affect your perceptions? Maybe you heard from your friends that a particular restaurant was really good, but when you went there, you had a horrible experience and decided you never wanted to go there again. Even though your friends might try to persuade you to try it again, you might be inclined not to go because your experience with that restaurant wasn’t good.

Another example might be a traumatic relationship breakup. You might have had a relational partner who cheated on you and left you with trust issues. You might find another romantic interest, but in the back of your mind, you might be cautious and interpret loving behaviors differently because you don’t want to be hurt again.

Involvement

Second, involvement affects your interpretation. The more involved or deeper your relationship is with another person, the more likely you will interpret their behavior differently compared to someone you don’t know well. For instance, let’s pretend that you’re a manager, and two of your employees come to work late. One worker happens to be your best friend, and the other is someone who has just started and you don’t know them well. You’re more likely to interpret your best friend’s behavior more altruistically than the other worker because you’ve known your best friend for a longer period. Besides, since this person is your best friend, this implies that you interact with and are more involved with them compared to other friends.

Expectations

Third, the expectations we hold can influence the way we interpret other people’s behaviors. For instance, if you overheard some friends talking about a mean professor and how hostile they are in class, you might expect this to be true. Let’s say you meet the professor and attend their class; you might still have certain expectations about them based on what you heard. Even if those expectations might be completely false, you might still expect those allegations to be true.

Assumptions

Fourth, there are assumptions about human behavior. Imagine if you’re a personal fitness trainer: do you believe people like to exercise or need to exercise? Your answer to that question might be based on your assumptions. If you’re someone who is inclined to exercise, you might think that everyone likes to work out. However, if you don’t want to exercise but know that people should be physically fit, then you would be more likely to agree with the statement that people need to exercise. Your assumptions about humans can shape how you interpret their behavior. Another example is that if you believe most people would donate to a worthy cause, you might be surprised to learn that not everyone shares this view. When we assume all humans should act a certain way, we’re more likely to interpret their behavior differently if they don’t respond in that certain way.

Relational Satisfaction

Fifth, relational satisfaction will cause you to see things in a very different light. Relational satisfaction refers to the degree of satisfaction or happiness you experience in your current relationship. If you’re content, then you’re more likely to view all your partner’s behaviors as thoughtful and kind. However, if you’re not satisfied in your relationship, then you’re more likely to view their behavior as distrustful or insincere. Research has shown that unhappy couples are more likely to blame their partners when things go wrong compared to happy couples.^[20]

Conclusion

In this section, we’ve discussed the three stages of perception: attending, organizing, and interpreting. The stages can occur out of sequence. For example, if your parent/guardian had a bad experience at a car dealership based on their interpretation (such as “They overcharged me for the car and they added all these hidden fees.”), then the experience can influence their future selection (looking for credible and highly-rated car dealerships). Then your parent/guardian can organize the information (car dealers are just trying to make money, the assumption is that they think most customers don’t know a lot about cars). Perception is a continuous process, and it’s very hard to determine the start and finish of any perceptual differences.

Models of Interpersonal Communication

In the world of communication, we have several different models to help us understand what communication is and how it works. A model is a simplified representation of a system (often graphic) that highlights the crucial components and connections of concepts, which are used to help people understand an aspect of the real world. For our purposes, the models have all helped us understand how real-world communication interactions occur. The goal of creating models is threefold:

1. to facilitate understanding by eliminating unnecessary components,
2. to aid in decision-making by simulating “what if” scenarios, and
3. to explain, control, and predict events based on past observations.^[21]

Over the next few paragraphs, we will examine three different models that communication scholars have proposed to help us understand interpersonal interactions: action, interactional, and transactional models.

Action Models

In this section, we will explore various models to enhance our understanding of interpersonal communication. The purpose of using models is to provide visual representations of interpersonal communication and to offer a better understanding of how various scholars have conceptualized it over time. The first type of model we’ll be exploring is action models, or communication models that view communication as a one-directional transmission of information from a source or sender to some destination or receiver.

Shannon-Weaver Model

Shannon and Weaver were both engineers at the Bell Telephone Laboratories. Their job was to ensure that all telephone cables and radio waves were operating at full capacity. They developed the Shannon-Weaver model, which is also known as the linear communication model (Weaver & Shannon, 1963).^[22] As indicated by its name, the scholars believed that communication occurred linearly, where a sender encodes a message through a channel to a receiver, who will decode the message. Feedback is not immediate. Examples of linear communication were newspapers, radio, and television.

Early Schramm Model

The Shannon-Weaver model was criticized because it assumed that communication always occurred in a linear manner. Wilbur Schram (1954) believed it was essential to recognize the impact of messages.^[23] Schramm’s model regards communication as a process between an encoder and a decoder. Most importantly, this model accounts for how people interpret the message. Schramm argued that a person’s background, experience, and knowledge are factors that impact interpretation. Besides, Schramm believed the messages are transmitted through a medium. The decoder will send feedback about the message to show that it has been received. He argued that communication is incomplete unless there is feedback from the receiver. According to Schramm’s model, encoding and decoding are vital to effective communication. Any communication where decoding does not occur or feedback does not happen is not effective or complete.

Berlo’s SMCR Model

David K. Berlo (1960)^[24] created the SMCR model of communication. SMCR stands for sender, message, channel, receiver. Berlo’s model describes different components of the communication process. He argued that there are three main parts of all communication: the speaker, the subject, and the listener. He maintained the listener determines the meaning of any message.

Regarding the source or sender of the message, Berlo identified factors that influence the message’s source. First, communication skills refer to the ability to speak or write. Second, attitude is the person’s point of view, which may be influenced by the listener. The third is whether the source has the requisite knowledge on a given topic to be effective. Fourth, social systems include the source’s values, beliefs, and opinions, which may influence the message.

Next, we move on to the message portion of the model. The message can be sent in various forms, including text, video, or audio. There might be components that influence the message, such as content, which is the information being sent. Elements refer to the verbal and nonverbal behaviors that convey how the message is sent. Treatment refers to how the message was presented. The structure is how the message was organized. Code is the form in which the message was sent, such as text, gesture, or music.

The channel of the message relies on the basic five senses of sound, sight, touch, smell, and taste. Think of how your mother might express her love for you. She might hug you (touch) and say, “I love you” (sound), or make you your favorite dessert (taste). Each of these channels is a way of displaying affection.

The receiver is the person who decodes the message. Similar to the models discussed earlier, the receiver is at the end. However, Berlo argued that for the receiver to understand and comprehend the message, there must be similar factors to those of the sender. Hence, the source and the receiver have similar components. Ultimately, the receiver must decode the message and interpret its meaning. Berlo tries to present the model of communication as simply as possible. His model accounts for variables that will obstruct the interpretation of the model.

Interaction Models

In this section, we will explore the next evolution of communication models, specifically interaction models. Interaction models view the sender and the receiver as responsible for the effectiveness of the communication. One of the most significant differences between the action and interaction models is their heightened focus on feedback.

Osgood and Schramm Model

Osgood-Schramm’s model of communication is known as a circular model because it indicates that messages can go in two directions.^[25] Hence, once a person decodes a message, they can encode it and send a message back to the sender. They could continue encoding and decoding in a continuous cycle. This revised model indicates that: 1) communication is not linear, but circular; 2) communication is reciprocal and equal; 3) messages are based on interpretation; 4) communication involves encoding, decoding, and interpreting. The benefit of this model is that it illustrates the cyclical nature of feedback. It also demonstrates that communication is complex because it involves interpretation. This model also highlights that we are active communicators and interpreters of the messages we receive.

Watzlawick, Beavin, and Jackson Model

Watzlawick et al. argued that communication is continuous.^[26] The researchers argued that communication happens all the time. Every time a message is sent, a response is returned, and the process continues from Person A to Person B until someone stops. Feedback is provided every time Person A sends a message. This model comprises five axioms.

First, one cannot, not communicate. This means that everything one does has communicative value. Even if people do not talk to each other, it still conveys the idea that both parties do not want to communicate with each other. The second axiom states that every message has a content and a relationship dimension. Content is the informational part of the message or the subject of discussion. The relationship dimension refers to how the two communicators feel about each other. The third axiom pertains to how communicators in the system punctuate their communicative sequences. Watzlawick et al. observed that every communication event has a stimulus, response, and reinforcement. Each communicator can be a stimulus or a response. Fourth, communication can be analog or digital. Digital refers to the meaning of the words. Analogical refers to how the words are said or the nonverbal behavior that accompanies the message. The last axiom states that communication can be either symmetrical or complementary. This means that both communicators have similar power relations, or they do not. Conflict and misunderstandings can arise when communicators have different power relations. For instance, your boss might have the right to fire you from your job if you do not conduct yourself professionally.

Transaction Models

The transactional models differ from the interactional models in that they show that individuals often act as both the sender and receiver simultaneously. Basically, sending and receiving messages happen simultaneously.

Barnlund’s Transactional Model

In 1970, Dean C. Barnlund created the transactional model of communication to understand basic interpersonal communication.^[27] Barnlund argues that one problem with the more linear models of communication is that they resemble mediated messages. The message is created, sent, and received. For example, we write an email, send it, and it is read. Instead, Barnlund argues that during interpersonal interactions, we both send and receive messages simultaneously. Of all the other communication models, this one features a multi-layered feedback system. We can provide oral feedback, but our nonverbal communication (e.g., tone of voice, eye contact, facial expressions, gestures) is equally important in how others interpret the messages we are sending. We use others’ nonverbal behavior to interpret their messages. As such, in any interpersonal interaction, a ton of messages are sent and received simultaneously between the two people.

The Importance of Cues

The main components of the model include cues. There are three types of cues: public, private, and behavioral. Public cues refer to any physical or environmental stimuli. Private cues refer to the private objects of orientation, which include a person’s senses. Behavioral cues include nonverbal and verbal cues.

The Importance of Context

The transactional model of communication also suggests that three contexts coexist during an interaction:

1. Social Context: The rules and norms that govern how people communicate with one another.
2. Cultural Context: The cultural and co-cultural identities people have (e.g., ability, age, biological sex assigned at birth, gender identity, ethnicity, nationality, race, sexual orientation, social class, etc.).
3. Relational Context: The nature of the bond or emotional attachment between two people (e.g., parent/guardian-child, sibling-sibling, teacher-student, health care worker-client, best friends, acquaintances, etc.).

Through our interpersonal interactions, we create social reality; however, all these different contexts influence this reality.

The Importance of Noise

Another important factor to consider in Barnlund’s Transactional Model is noise, which encompasses elements that disrupt or interrupt the flow of communication. Like the three contexts explored above, there are another four contexts that can affect our ability to interact with people effectively:^[28]

1. Physical Context: The physical space where interaction is occurring (type of space [office, school, home, doctor’s office] and characteristics of space[is the space loud, is the furniture comfortable, etc.]).
2. Physiological Context: The body’s responses to what’s happening in its environment.
   1. Internal: Physiological responses that result from our body’s internal processes (e.g., hunger, a headache, physically tired, etc.).
   2. External: Physiological responses that result from external stimuli within the environment (e.g., are you cold, are you hot, the color of the room, are you physically comfortable, etc.).
3. Psychological Context: How the human mind responds to what’s occurring within its environment (e.g., emotional state, thoughts, perceptions, intentions, mindfulness, etc.).
4. Semantic Context: The possible understanding and interpretation of different messages sent (e.g., someone’s language, size of vocabulary, effective use of grammar, etc.).

In each of these contexts, it’s possible to have things that disturb or interrupt the flow of communication. For example, in the physical context, hard plastic chairs can make you uncomfortable and not want to sit for very long talking to someone. Physiologically, having a headache (internal) or being in a very hot room can make it difficult to concentrate and listen effectively to another person. Psychologically, suppose we have just broken up with our significant other. In that case, we may find it difficult to sit and have a casual conversation with someone while our brains are running a thousand miles a minute. Semantically, if we don’t understand a word that someone uses, it can prevent us from accurately interpreting someone’s messages. When you think about it, with all the possible interference of noise that exists within an interpersonal interaction, it’s pretty impressive that we ever get anything accomplished.

More often than not, we are completely unaware of how these different contexts create noise and impact our interactions with one another during the moment itself. For example, consider the physical environments of fast-food restaurants versus those of fine dining establishments. In fast-food restaurants, the décor is often bright; the lighting is bright; the seats are made of hard surfaces (usually plastic), and the atmosphere is loud, etc. This noise causes people to eat faster, leading to increased turnover rates. Conversely, fine dining establishments often feature tablecloths, more comfortable chairs, dimmer lighting, and quieter dining environments. The physical space in a fast-food restaurant hurries interaction and increases turnover. The physical space in the fine dining restaurant slows our interactions, causes us to stay longer, and we spend more money. However, most of us don’t pay that much attention to how physical space is impacting us while we’re having a conversation with another person.

Although we used the external environment here as an example of how noise impacts our interpersonal interactions, we could examine all these contexts and discuss how they affect us in ways we’re not consciously aware of. We’ll explore many of these contexts throughout the rest of this book.

Transaction Principles

As you can see, these models of communication are all very different. They share similar components, yet they are conveyed in very different ways. Some have features that others do not. Nevertheless, there are transactional principles that are essential to understand in the context of interpersonal communication.

Communication is Complex

People might think that communication is easy. However, there are several factors, such as power, language, and relationship differences, that can influence the conversation. Communication isn’t easy. Not everyone will have the same interpretation of a message. You will see advertisements that some people will love and others will find offensive. The reason is that people do not receive a message in the same way.

Communication is Continuous

In many of the communication models we learned, communication never stops. Every time a source sends a message, the receiver decodes it, and the process repeats. It is an endless cycle, because even if one person stops talking, they have already sent a message that the communication needs to end. As a receiver, you can keep trying to send messages, or you can stop talking as well, which sends the message to the other person that you also want to stop talking.

Communication is Dynamic

With new technology and changing times, we observe that communication is continually evolving. Before social media, people interacted in very different ways. Some people have suggested that social media has influenced how we talk to each other. The models have evolved as people have also changed their methods of communication. People no longer use the phone to call others; instead, they prefer to text message because they find it easier and less invasive.

Final Note

The advantage of this model is that it shows that there is a shared field of experience between the sender and receiver. The transactional model shows that messages happen simultaneously with noise. However, the model has several disadvantages, including its complexity, which requires the sender and receiver to understand the messages they exchange with each other.

Toward a Model of Mindful Communication

So, what does a model of mindful communication look like? To begin, we believe that mindful communication is closely related to the transactional model of human communication. All facets of transactional communication can also be applied in this context. The main addition to the model of mindful communication is coupling what we already know about the transactional model with what we learned in Chapter 1 about mindfulness. In Figure 2.9, we have combined the transactional model with Shauna Shapiro and Linda Carlson’s three parts of mindful practice: attention, intention, and attitude.^[29]

We’re not proposing a new model of communication in this text; we’re proposing a new way of coupling interpersonal communication with mindfulness. So, how would mindful interpersonal communication work? According to Levine Tatkin, “Mindful communication is all about being more conscious about the way you interact with the other person daily. It is about being more present when the other person is communicating to you.”^[30] As such, we argue that mindful communication is learning to harness the power of mindfulness to focus our ability to communicate with other people interpersonally effectively.

Many of us engage in mindless communication every day. We don’t pay attention to the conversation; we don’t think about our intentions during the interaction; and we don’t analyze our attitudes while we talk. Have you ever found yourself doing any of the following during an interpersonal interaction?

• Constantly checking your smartphone.
• Focusing on anything but the other person talking.
• Forming your responses before the other person stops talking.
• Cutting the other person off while they are talking.
• Constantly interrupting the other person while they are talking.
• Getting impatient when the other person doesn’t “get to the point fast enough.”
• Trying to come up with solutions the person never asked for.
• Getting bored.
• Having biases against the other person or their ideas without really listening to them.
• Starting arguments for no reason.
• Finding yourself yelling or screaming at someone else.
• Refusing to “give in” or “find the middle ground” when engaged in conflict.

These are just a few examples of what mindless interpersonal interactions can look like when we don’t consider the attention, intention, and attitude. Mindful interpersonal communication, on the other hand, occurs when we engage in the following communication behaviors:^[31]

• Listening to your partner without being distracted.
• Holding a conversation without being too emotional.
• Being non-judgmental when you talk, argue, or even fight with your partner.
• Accepting your partner’s perspective even if it is different from yours.
• Validating yourself and your partner.

The authors of this text firmly believe that engaging in mindful, interpersonal communication is crucial in our day-to-day lives. All of us are bombarded with messages, and it’s effortless to treat all messages as if they were equal and must be attended to within a moment. Let’s look at that first mindless behavior we talked about earlier, checking your cellphone while you’re talking to people. In Chapter 1, we explained that our minds wander 47% of the time.^[32] Our monkey brains are constantly jumping from idea to idea before we add in technology. If you’re continually checking your cellphone while you’re talking to someone, you’re allowing your brain to roam even more than it already does.

Effective interpersonal communication is hard. The goal of a mindful approach to interpersonal communication is to train ourselves to be in the moment with someone listening and talking. We’ll discuss listening and speaking further later in this text. For now, we’re going to wrap up this chapter by looking at some specific skills to enhance your interpersonal communication.

Interpersonal Communication Skills

In this chapter, we have explored various aspects of interpersonal communication. Overall, certain skills can enhance your ability to communicate effectively with others. We will discuss them in more detail below.

Listening Skills

The most important part of communication is not the actual talking, but the listening part. If you are not a good listener, then you will not be a good communicator. One must engage in mindful listening. Mindful listening is when you give careful and thoughtful attention to the messages that you receive. People will often listen mindfully to important messages or to people who matter most. Think about how happy you get when you are talking to someone you really love, or maybe how you pay more attention to what a professor says if they tell you it will be on the exam. In each of these scenarios, you are giving the speaker your undivided attention. Most of our listening isn’t mindful, but there will be times when it will be important to listen to what others are telling us so that we can fulfill our personal and/or professional goals. We’ll discuss listening in more detail in Chapter 7.

In case you are interested in immediate tips for listening, the Harvard Business review provides a list of five listening pitfalls to avoid. ^[34]

• Haste – be patient when listening
• Invisibility – show your presence through eye contact and head nods
• Defensiveness – be open minded and willing to accept responsibility
• Exhaustion – fatigue impacts listening, reschedule if need be
• Inaction – summarize main points and next steps, follow-up

People Skills

People skills are a set of characteristics that will help you interact well with others.^[35] These skills are most important in group situations and where cooperation is needed. These skills can also relate to how you handle social situations. They can make a positive impact on career advancement but also in relationship development.^[36] One of the most essential people skills to have is the ability to understand people. Being able to feel empathy or sympathy toward another person’s situation can go a long way. By putting yourself in other people’s shoes and understanding their hardships or differences, you can gain a more nuanced perspective. It can help you build a stronger and better interpersonal relationship.

Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to recognize your own emotions and the emotions of others.^[37] Emotionally intelligent people can label their feelings appropriately and use this information to guide their behavior. EQ is highly associated with the ability to empathize with others. Furthermore, EQ can help people connect interpersonally. Research has demonstrated that people with higher levels of EQ are more likely to succeed in the workplace and have better mental health. They are often better leaders and effective managers of conflict. We’ll discuss the idea of EQ in more detail in Chapter 3.

Appropriate Skill Selection

The best interpersonal communicators are the ones who can use the appropriate skills in certain contexts. For instance, if it is a somber event, then they might not laugh. Or, if it is a joyful occasion, they might not cry hysterically unless it is tears of joy. The best politicians can sense their audience and determine which skills are most appropriate for each occasion. We know that humor can be beneficial in certain situations. However, humor can also be inappropriate for certain people. It is essential to know what skills are appropriate to use and when it is necessary to use them.

Communicating Ethically

The last interpersonal skill involves communication ethics. We have seen several people in the business world who have gotten in trouble for not communicating ethically. It is important to be mindful of what you say to others. You do not want people to think you are deceptive or that you are lying to them. Trust is a hard thing to build. Yet, trust can be taken away from you quickly. It is essential that every time you communicate, you should consider the ethics behind your words. As we will see throughout this book, words matter! So, what does it mean to communicate ethically interpersonally? Thankfully, the National Communication Association has created a general credo for ethical communication.^[38] The subheadings below represent the nine statements created by the National Communication Association to help guide conversations related to communication ethics.

We advocate truthfulness, accuracy, honesty, and reason as essential to the integrity of communication.

The first statement in the credo for ethical communication is one that has taken on a greater significance in recent years: being truthful. We live in a world where the blurring of fact and fiction, real life and fantasy, truth and lies, real news and fake news, etc. has become increasingly blurry. The NCA credo argues that ethical communication should always strive for truth and integrity. As such, it’s important to consider our interpersonal communication and ensure that we are not spreading lies.

We endorse freedom of expression, diversity of perspective, and tolerance of dissent to achieve the informed and responsible decision-making fundamental to a civil society.

You don’t have to agree with everyone. In fact, it’s perfectly appropriate to disagree with people and do so in a civilized manner. So much of our interpersonal communication in the 21^st Century seems to have become about shouting, “I’m right, you’re wrong.” As such, it’s important to remember that it’s possible for many different vantage points to have equal value. From an ethical perspective, it’s very important to listen to others and not immediately start thinking about our comebacks or counter-arguments. When we’re only focused on our comebacks and counter-arguments, then we’re not listening effectively. Now, we are not arguing that people should have the right to their own set of facts. In the previous statement, we believe in facts and think the idea of “alternative facts” is horrific. However, people’s experiences in life often lead them to different perspectives that can be equally valid.

We strive to understand and respect other communicators before evaluating and responding to their messages.

In addition to what was discussed in the previous statement, it’s essential to approach our interpersonal interactions from a position of understanding and respect. Part of the mindfulness approach to interpersonal communication that we’ve advocated for in this book involves understanding and respect. Too many people in our world today immediately shut down others with whom they disagree without giving them a chance to be heard. We know that it’s tough to listen to messages with which you strongly disagree, but we can still disagree and, at the end of the day, respect each other.

We promote access to communication resources and opportunities as necessary to fulfill human potential and contribute to the well‐being of individuals, families, communities, and society.

As communication scholars, we believe that everyone can improve their communication skills. One reason we’ve written this book is because we believe that all students should have access to an interpersonal communication textbook that is free. Furthermore, we believe that everyone should have the opportunity to develop their interpersonal communication, listening, presentation, and social skills. Ultimately, developing communication skills helps people in their interpersonal relationships and makes them better individuals overall. According to Morreale et al.:

Communication can help couples connect on a deeper level and feel more satisfied with their relationships. Additionally, competent communication strengthens bonds among family members and helps them cope with conflict and stressful situations. Communication gives family members the tools they need to express their feelings and address their concerns in a constructive way, which ultimately helps when conflicts and stressful situations arise… Better interpersonal communication can improve the social health of a community by strengthening relationships among various community members.^[39]

We promote communication climates of caring and mutual understanding that respect the unique needs and characteristics of individual communicators.

As communicators, we need to take a two-pronged approach to our interpersonal interactions. First, we need to care about the needs of others. We need to understand that our communication can either build people up or tear them down. We should strive to build people up through our interactions with them. This doesn’t mean that there aren’t times when you have to tell people that they’re wrong, but there are ways of doing this that correct people without attacking their self-esteem.

Second, we need to strive for mutual understanding. As we’ve learned in this chapter, many factors can make communication with one another very difficult. However, we should strive to ensure that our messages are interpreted correctly by others and that we’re interpreting others’ messages correctly as well. We should avoid jumping to conclusions and assuming that someone’s messages are always ill-intended.

We condemn communication that degrades individuals and humanity through distortion, intimidation, coercion, and violence, and through the expression of intolerance and hatred.

We believe that any communication that degrades another person should be seen as reprehensible by everyone. For many of us, it’s easy for us to clearly label obvious hate messages as disgusting (e.g., anti-immigrant signs, burning crosses, racist graffiti, etc.). However, many people use biased language without realizing it. We’ll discuss the issue of biased language and how to avoid it in more detail in Chapter 4.

We are committed to the courageous expression of personal convictions in pursuit of fairness and justice.

We live in a world where injustices are still very prevalent. From anti-immigrant rhetoric to laws preventing medical treatment for transgender people, we believe that it’s important for people to pursue fairness and justice in our world today. As such, we all need to remember this when interacting with others. Whether it’s remembering to call someone by their preferred pronouns or supporting individuals seeking equal rights and protection under the law, we should help those individuals.

We advocate sharing information, opinions, and feelings when facing significant choices while also respecting privacy and confidentiality.

We live in a world where we face innumerable choices about the future. In our interpersonal interactions, people need to share information, opinions, and feelings without having them dismissed immediately. Again, not that we believe that people should have the right to their own facts, but people should be allowed to express their own opinions and feelings.

Besides sharing information, opinions, and feelings, it’s essential to respect people’s privacy and confidentiality. Not everything we hear from another person is broadcast openly to the world. It’s important to remember not to tell other people’s business.

We accept responsibility for the short‐ and long-term consequences for our own communication and expect the same of others.

Lastly, the National Communication Association’s Credo for Ethical Communication advocates that people take responsibility for the consequences of their communication. If you say something that hurts someone else’s feelings, it’s essential to acknowledge it and apologize. If we accidentally spread false information, it’s essential to correct the facts as soon as we learn the truth.

Rodrick Hart and Don Burks coined the term “rhetorical sensitivity” to help explain awareness of our own communicative behaviors. According to Hart and Burks,

The rhetorically sensitive person (a) tries to accept role‐taking as part of the human condition, (b) attempts to avoid stylized verbal behavior, (c) is characteristically willing to undergo the strain of adaptation, (d) seeks to distinguish between all information and that information acceptable for communication, and (e) tries to understand that an idea can be rendered in multi‐form ways.^[40]

In the ethics of our communicative choices, it’s essential to be rhetorically sensitive to fully understand the short- and long-term consequences that arise from our communicative behaviors.

Chapter Wrap-Up

In this chapter, we have learned about various things that can impact interpersonal communication. We learned that Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs can impact how messages are received. We learned about the perception process and its three stages: attending, interpreting, and organizing. We also discussed the various communication models to understand how the process of communication looks in interpersonal situations. Lastly, we briefly overviewed interpersonal communication skills.

Chapter Exercises

Real-World Case Study

Addie and Patrick had been dating for 13 months. They discussed getting married and whether they might have children. One day, it became apparent that Patrick had not been paying his credit card bill as he had claimed. Addie approached him to ask about the situation. He became very angry with her and a huge fight ensued. They both called each other names and spoke to each other in ways they never expected. After the fight, Addie and Patrick apologized to each other and promised never to speak to one another that way again. Which principle of communication might Addie and Patrick consider as they move forward in their relationship?

End-of-Chapter Assessment

1. Paul tells Jenna that her last name must be Campbell, because she is “Mmmm…good.” Paul is trying to ________ the message to Jenna.
   1. encode
   2. decode
   3. provide feedback
   4. provide noise
   5. none of these
2. Larry is very hungry because he skipped breakfast. He can’t pay attention to other people because he is focused on his hunger. This type of noise is:
   1. physical
   2. semantic
   3. psychological
   4. physiological
   5. none of these
3. Which type of schema focuses on the social position?
   1. physical
   2. role
   3. interaction
   4. behavior
   5. psychological
4. Kara pays attention to advertisements about cars, because she is looking to buy a new car. The reason she is selecting these messages over others is because the ads:
   1. are different
   2. are intense
   3. appeal to her emotional states
   4. appeal to her motives
   5. are repetitious
5. Mark just met a new student named Jenny. He is trying to learn more about her through her social media sites. According to uncertainty reduction theory, which strategy is Mark using to reduce uncertainty?
   1. passive
   2. active
   3. interactive
   4. non-active
   5. dismissive